Changing the Negative Self-talk and emotions.

Self-talk in the brain. Negative self-talk and attitude.

Negative thinking leads to negative feelings, and negative feelings cause negative thoughts; our attitude is shaped by our feeling and thoughts.

Negative self-talk is an inner dialogue that persuades our mind to believe in that and behave accordingly:

“I already know I can’t do it.”

“I’ve never been any good at that.”

“I’ m not able to connect with people”

“Nothing seems to go right for me.”

“Nobody will ever love me.”

“I always freeze in front of a group.”

“If only I were smarter.” “If only I had more time.“…

Our Brain, Emotions and Attitudes.

Self talk is the inner dialogue that we keep telling ourselves; the brain cannot distinguish what is true and what is a false impression.

As a result, the brain produces reactions that fit this idea. For example:

If I tell myself “I have a problem with X”, my brain understands that there is a problem, it makes me feel frustrated and trapped and stops trying.

If I tell myself “I am looking for a solution to X”, my brain focusses on finding a solution.

A negative attitude may cancel almost all effort for success and results and become a self fulfilling prophecy of negative outcomes.

Our brain produces the reactions that we dictate to it.

If we talk positively and with confidence to ourselves, it will take action towards results; if we tell it we can’t do it, it will prove that we can’t do it.

As human beings we may sometimes get frustrated and lose hope for a while; we may feel anger or fear; it is normal to have negative feelings sometimes.

It is important to observe our emotions, reactions and thoughts. When we realise that they are negative we need to move ourselves to a positive action and perform a reality check.     

It is ok to have negative emotions (for a while).

It is ok to feel sad, disappointed, frustrated and depressed sometimes. Sometimes it gives you a boost to restart and get new energy for a new beginning.

There are a few things you can always do to change the negative feeling and start over again.

Reality Check

You may feel sad about something that happened but this doesn’t mean that you will be miserable for the rest of your life. Unpleasant situations may happen and disappoint us but think how you can use the negative to create something useful, pleasant and positive for the future.

A bad outcome should become the rule for everything else. The fact that you had a failure does not predict the outcome of all your next efforts.

Do not generalize.

Ask yourself questions to check reality.

For example:

“I am not good at connecting with people”

You may ask yourself: do I have friends? If yes, then it is just negative self talk

“I will never get a promotion”

Ask yourself: how do you know the future? Have you done the right things to get a promotion? Is this the right company for you to get promoted?

“I will never have enough money”

Ask yourself: how do you know the future? Have you tried all the right things to achieve that?

Focus on the positive. Focus on your achievements.

You have been around for some years and obviously you have achieved several things; it could be a job or education, friends and relationships, voluntary work or an artistic creation; it could be a talent or a special gift that you have.

What are your talents?

What are you good at?

Do you have a job?

Do you have friends, family or a relationship?

What do people acknowledge in you and like you?

  • Make a list of your achievements, your successes and the activities you enjoy.
  • Did you ever thank yourself for all those? It’s time to do it!

Set a goal and make a plan.

Knowing and recognizing what we are good at is a plus to our self confidence.

You may also use free personality tests to identify abilities and positive traits that you have but never had the opportunity to use!

Knowing what you have achieved, what can be your next achievement?

Set the goal and go for it!

A Daily routine helps.

Have a daily routine: a daily routine with action provides stability in life and a good reason to stay active instead of sitting and thinking all the negative possibilities.

Activity reduces stress and helps the mind focus on the task at hand instead of other (negative) thoughts. Self talk and negative emotions will not have much space if you are busy implementing an action plan!

Physical activity reduces stress and stops you from thinking.

  • Mental health issues.

If you have tried all of the above and possibly other ideas and negative self-talk still persists for a long time…

  • Negative self-talk and negative emotions may be symptoms of high anxiety, depression of other mental health issues.
  • You may ask for support from a mental health professional.

Published by Maria Biquet

Organisational Development Consultant Executive Coach / Neurocoaching Expert

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